Why Laughter Matters
Resilience grows in the safe, loving bonds you build with your child: Connection.
And laughter is one of the easiest, most natural ways to strengthen those bonds.
As I am writing this post, I am thinking of the moments of shared laughter with my 3.5-year-old. All the silly things we laugh at, jokes we make, and the number of times she asks me to do it again / say it again.
Yesterday, a dinosaur LEGO block made all the blocks fall. (as my daughter was trying to put it inside the house we built.) And I made some exaggerated face saying” OMG! The clumsy dino! Stooop!” I don’t know if it was my face, my voice, or the unexpected reaction; my daughter burst out laughing. The more she laughed, the more reaction I gave to the dino “Heeeeelp! Somebody, please get the dino out!” The same evening, when we were playing, she said, “Let’s build a house again. I will bring the clumsy dino.” And more laughter…
While we all have such moments in our lives, it is interesting to see what science has to say about laughter. Studies show that when you use humour with your child (on purpose, and with kindness), it helps them handle big feelings, brings you closer, and makes what they learn stick.
Let’s look at why laughter matters so much: Humour can:
Strengthen connection and trust
Support learning, attention, and memory
Reduce stress and help regulate the nervous system
Build confidence and resilience
Improve cooperation without shame or power struggles.
But not all humour is beneficial. It is essential to distinguish between supportive and harmful humour. Supportive humour is inclusive, connecting, and invites participation, building safety and trust. And it is never, NEVER around teasing or embarrassing the child based on fear, shame, or stereotypes.
Why humour builds connection (and connection builds resilience)
When your child laughs with you, they feel safe.
They feel seen. They feel like you really get them.
They know you’re right there with them, not just in charge, but truly on their side.
That sense of safety is the heart of resilience. With connection, we become the children’s safety net, which gives them the courage to live their lives fully. Kids handle big feelings best when they feel your warmth, not when they’re left alone. And sometimes, a shared laugh is the quickest way back to connection, especially on those tough, tense days.
So go ahead! Get silly with your child.
Make up silly songs.
Pull funny faces.
Join their sense of humour. (Make sure it is the sense of humour appropriate for their age not yours).
Follow their lead.
Exaggerate.
Laugh.
Join.
How laughter supports the nervous system
There’s a reason laughter feels like a release.
Laughing helps your child (and you!) let go of stress and loosen up, not just in their mind but in their whole body. It’s one of the ways you both can find your way back to calm after a meltdown or a tough moment.
I measure the impact of my yoga classes by how much children laugh.
And one of the most powerful things I once heard in a workshop with Aletha Solter was this:
Laughing can be as stress-relieving as a good cry.
That stuck with me, because it’s so easy to forget: kids don’t just need to cry to let things out. Sometimes, laughter is just as healing. (and the same goes for us!)
(If you are looking for a good resource to understand the importance of humour and laughter in early years, I highly recommend Aletha Solter’s book: Attachment Play: How to solve children's behavior problems with play, laughter, and connection.)
Silly rhymes, goofy stories, funny voices: these little things can turn learning into something your child actually looks forward to.
We discussed that not all humour is the same. We underlined beneficial vs. harmful humour. Let’s also make sure, we understand not all laughter has the same impact - LET’S talk about tickling now.
Tickling?
Tickling does more harm than good. While it might seem like fun, the laughter it creates isn’t the connection-building kind we’re talking about here.
Tickling triggers an automatic physical response, not a chosen one. Children might be laughing, but they can also feel powerless and out of control.
You might think, “I’ll stop when I notice my child isn’t enjoying it anymore.” But the truth is, no one can truly feel the extent of another person's discomfort or understand what’s happening in their body. A child might be laughing on the outside while feeling uncomfortable or even distressed on the inside.
That’s not the kind of laughter that builds connection and trust.
How children’s sense of humour develops
Children’s humour evolves as their thinking and language grow:
Babies: Laughter is one of the first signs of social and emotional development. Early laughter usually starts in response to their primary caregiver. By 6 months, babies begin laughing at things they find unusual or unexpected.
Have you ever noticed your baby suddenly bursting into laughter while watching you do something completely ordinary? I still remember my daughter’s reaction the first time she saw me shaking out the laundry. She found it so funny that I ended up shaking out the same t-shirt 25 more times, to hear her laugh again.
Toddlers: love surprise, repetition, and “silly wrong” moments (such as pronouncing some words wrong intentionally)
Preschoolers: Knock, knock. Who is that? :) Preschoolers enjoy pretend humour, funny roles, and playful exaggeration.
Around 7–8 years: begin to understand jokes, puns, and double meanings
When you know what makes your child laugh at each age, you can meet them right where they are and share the kind of humour that feels good for both of you.
(You can read more about the development of humour in early years here. )
A Final Thought
You don’t have to be the “funny parent” or the class clown. You don’t need to try hard. Instead, pay attention to your child’s cues. They’ll tell you what’s funny in their own ways, not always with words. Let them lead. Let them bring their humour into your conversations. Notice it, build on it, follow it.
Humour in early childhood isn’t about performance.
It’s about being present.
It’s about tuning in. <3
Resources and References:
Lovorn, Michael G. (2008). Humor in the Home and in the Classroom: The Benefits of Laughing While We Learn. Volume 2, Issue 1.
Michael G. Lovorn, Ph.D., Assistant Professor, California State University, Long Beach.https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/children_and_laughter_a_winning_combination
